Emotion can be ugly. Emotion can be beautiful. One thing for certain, emotion can be full of paradox, seeming dilemmas, and some of the scariest aspects of our conditioned human nature to deal with. Yet, it doesn’t have to be this way. Low vibe emotions can be called, ‘Shadows’. They tend to be unconscious, sabotage our love, joy and peace – and prosperity – and every human has them. They are nothing to be ashamed of. We are NOT broken, and we don’t need ‘fixing’. These are just a part of the experience of being a human on planet Earth. They are the way through to reclaiming your personal power and authentic expression. Even, ‘destiny’ for some.
It’s been a while since I’ve posted. I know it is ‘my time’ to really dig in deep to get to the core root of my emotionally driven life’s journey so that I can ‘spiral up an octave higher’ up the mountain, metaphorically to be of greater service going forward. Mind you, this may not even be about ‘doing’ anything. It may just be being my self and leading by example. So I am not talking about necessarily even needing a ‘business model’ or plan here (smile). I am going deeper in trusting the development of my own intuitive guidance now as well.
For me, personal growth, spiritual and consciousness expansion – is a way of life. I’ve come to accept that I am in simple terms, a ‘practical mystic’. I’ve been mostly running from this all of my life.
Over the past year, gradually I decided that I would surrender into the ‘not knowing’ and wait on inspiration before continuing my ‘trying to make things happen’ habitual approach. This is the ‘just do it’ formula that we are all so conditioned to strive for. It worked well for me in the first half of my life – because frankly, it was in divine order for me at that time. I was learning boundaries, confidence, self-acceptance, and independence, which were skills I needed to develop spiritually as well.
It is now time for me to graduate to another way of being. We have lost touch with our heart, divine nature and timing, and we seem to just turn over the keys to our life to our mental/mind – a formula for disaster. Just look at the world today – looks like a ball of confusion to me! Fear, chronic disease, and relationship misery abounds in the masses of people.
You see, the mind without the heart, and without the spirit, lives in FEAR – Fictitious Evidence Affecting Reality. It is also very easily manipulated and controlled. Again, just notice what’s really going on in the world today – if you can see beyond the layers of narratives, that is.
Well, speaking of narratives – do you, the reader of this blog post, realize that we are all under the influence of our ‘Storytelling Brain’? We all carry our own perceptions of:
1. Who we think we are
2. How the world is
3. Our worth, potential, and lovability
4. Our safety and security – and this one can be really out of alignment with ‘reality’ in very tangible, physical terms
5. Other’s motives, character, potential, etc etc
We see the world through our own lenses, and then believe we are being objective. No, our perceptions of the above list are subjective. According to…us. In this post, I am simply going to share my literal, written response to three questions in a creative writing small group exercise that used what is known as, ‘The Pearl Sequence’ within the body of work known as, ‘The Gene Keys’. The Pearl Sequence is an introduction to what energies and archetypes underlie our blueprint for prosperity, our potential for contribution, and natural capacity for generating abundance in our lives.
In other posts on this Blog website page, you can find certain Gene Keys that shared that blog post’s gene key ‘Shadow’, ‘Gift’, and ‘Shiddi’ for examples. In the Pearl Sequence, the three areas we used for this exercise are known as the Vocation, Culture and Brand Pearls. Here in this post I will share my Vocation (aka, Core Wound), Culture and Brand (aka, Life’s Work) sphere’s shadow, gift and siddhi as they were woven into my creative writing ‘storyline’ – according to MY Storytelling Brain.
Keep in mind, this is my perception from early childhood. It is from the memory of a young child, who didn’t have experience with making sense of the world, did not have the capacity to understand the wounds, fears and challenges of others in my family – and saw everything as relating to my own value as being reflected from others – no matter how distorted. No matter how misrepresented by their own ‘stuff’ and projections onto me.
My family was not perfect, but they sure could have been worse. And they are all forgiven from a human perspective. We all were doing the best that we could at the time. So hear me – this post is not about saying they were ‘bad’ or that I was 100% accurate in my memory of details. What I am saying is, this is MY memory and emotional history – which bottom line – ran my ‘reality’ decades later, until I consciously choose to address them. And – they still do, until I am honest with myself enough to evolve them using tangible skill sets.
I have been addressing them over time – and now – I sense the Universe itself – is supporting this evolution around our emotional wounding for humanity in general. It is speeding this process up, and when we have the guidance and tools to help us, we can make the leap much easier for ourselves.
The Gene Keys are one of the tools I am using to accelerated this process. For me, I had tons of emotional baggage and I have been transmuting and evolving it over the past three decades with much success. Now, I feel though that a ‘mother-load’ (aka, Mother Lode as in striking gold) core issue has finally surfaced that was affecting my current ‘work in the world’, and my energy, from the push of the ‘just do it’ cult of busyness. I am grateful to say – it has lost its grip, finally! I’m interested to see how this all unfolds. I surrender. I can say for certain – I am already experiencing the benefits of my new access to what I’ll call, ‘The Abundant Garden’.
As I’m continuing with this process of self-discovery of my authentic design blueprint – my body is releasing new layers of unconscious stress, I am enjoying the abundance and prosperity that is already in my day to day life that I literally was blind to (amazing!), and also in my relationships – which I am more selective about frankly, these days. My relationships feel soooo much healthier and supportive now. For me, I’ve come to feel good about myself for a while now. The issue here though in this post, is about ‘work in the world’ – the Pearl Sequence.
I still had an inner narrative that was blocking my ability to relax fully and enjoy the fruits of my labor. Therefore….’enough was never enough’ and that is what I kept re-creating – busy work. Draining of my resources. No time for my creative heart – a natural creative arts kind of gal, truth be told. A Nature lover. Inspired. By the way, this is also very important for our health – to BE ourselves.
I’ve had an unconscious need to ‘work by the sweat of my brow’, and not feeling fully safe and secure in the world. It didn’t even make logical sense, if you knew my life – but, that is the power of our, ‘story telling brain’ to make us miserable if not addressed. The following exercise, done in a quiet, reflective group container, allowed me to just write from the heart – not the head, and let it flow out then reflect back on my responses.
So here are the Gene Keys (GK) in question from my Natal Chart Pearl Sequence (See image for this post for the diagram):
Vocation: GK 1 – Shadow: Numbness/Entropy, Gift: Freshness, Siddhi: Beauty
Brand: GK 13 – Shadow: Discord, Gift: Discernment, Siddhi: Empathy
Culture: GK 9 – Shadow: Inertia, Gift: Determination, Sidhhi: Invincibility
Starting with the shadows, which for this sequence, I am calling the, ‘3 Ugly Sisters’, (but they are the key to a beautiful life when we give them some attention to heal them) – they are Numbness, Discord, and Inertia. For the answers to the Creative Writing guiding questions, the first is:
1. How have your 3 shadows shown up in your life till now?
Numbness, the denial of feelings no matter what it takes – workaholism, distractions with people, fantasy, then later technology – sometimes discord was a convenient distraction. These energies could lead to inertia and boredom, or even the other extreme – ADHD. Anything to avoid feelings of loneliness, not belonging, un-met expectations, feelings of not enough, inadequacy, low self-esteem, unlovability – a belief that ‘something’s wrong with me’ because I could see what those around me either could not – or much worse – would not. Living a lie to be accepted in a family that was just as numb and either in competition with me – or intimidated by me or just saw me as a nuisance, that they could ultimately – NOT shut down.
Note: As you may discern – I could have given up to feeling like a victim to discord, numbness and feeling stuck, or I could decide/learn how to develop greater ‘determination’ and use ‘discernment’ and new ‘fresh’ ways of being to overcome – these are the gifts that these shadows were undergirding as follows:
2. How did these shadows transmute/change or ultimately help develop the gifts?
From my experiences, I started to see there were gifts of Freshness, Discernment, and Determination to focus emerging. The ruts of predictability and lack of imagination in my early environment, the lack of friends to play with until I started kindergarten (thank God, I loved school and made friends easily), the lack of attention from my mother and siblings (there were five other children, and it ‘was what it was’ regarding her capacity to manage) – lead me to develop my own inner world of exploratory fairy tales, play with and animating dolls, teaching myself piano and gardening, dreaming about travel and collecting travel brochures, writing poetry and stories. I had a natural tendency towards the arts, playfulness and dance. I began to learn that I could discern solutions to problems, people’s problems and could be trusted with their secrets – I also became ruthlessly focused at times as I determined what was important for my perceived, ‘survival’ and eventually learned to turn a deaf ear to those around me who spoke disbelief over what was possible, or what I could accomplish. (The overachiever was born!). I was in a pursuit of new experiences escaping the same ole’ same ole’, and was determined that nothing would stop me as I pursued fresh beginnings – even though fear was still driving me and my need for validation, fear of rejection, and avoiding feelings of numbness.
Note: The narrative of ‘survival’, didn’t stop even though I was making a level of income which in those days, put me in the top 1% income in the population by the time I was 30 – it was still not ‘enough’ to feel secure. I was blind to this illusion – even though I had become a successful eye surgeon. This is how we fall into the cult of busyness – as one example.
3. How have you glimpsed or experience the Siddhis from the journey through your shadows?
By now I have experienced healing and some siddhic experiences of Beauty, Empathy and Invincibility. Even in the midst of struggle, disappointment and pain – I could still see the magic and amazing mystery of life as all things worked together for my good. I could begin the journey of trust and rebirth. As my self-empathy increased, my ability to show empathy to others, to let go of judgment, and projection – to compassionately face and deal with numbness – TO MAKE FRIENDS WITH FEELINGS also increased. I’ve had glimpses of invincibility which totally depends on my conscious connection with the Divine Spirit of Love, Wisdom and Power.
Note: By using my gift of connecting dots and seeing the ‘big picture’ systemically, I now have a unique holistic way of healing self – and empowering others to do the same. The Gene Keys as a tool to access the unconscious shadow, gift and siddhi has been invaluable to helping me to accelerate healing of the blind spots, the ‘Cataracts of the Soul’ that had been blocking the vision for my life. I have a deep understanding of the phrase, ‘Physician heal thyself’. We can only be of greatest societal service effectively, to the extent that we have also done our own healing journey in our given area of gifts and talents.
My journey continues, we don’t ever, ‘arrive’, but I can say with certainty – we can live in love, joy and peace as a baseline. Life will always have ups and downs – the key is to have emotional resiliency. We can embody, ‘Heaven on Earth’. It is a process, it is possible. And the more of us who are willing to respond to our unique calling, expression, and contribution to the evolution of humanity during this time of ‘The Great Awakening’ – the more easily and rapidly this process can occur for the whole. Our shadows and our struggles, are like the gritty sand, the friction that ultimately can form the Pearl of Great Price and value within us. Self-awareness is a much needed quality to do this.
And, in case you are wondering, my ‘Pearl’ – Gene Key 11 as shown in the Pearl Sequence image – is very much about the work of supporting others to heal their shadow. ‘Out of the darkness and into the Light’. Its Shadow is Obscurity, its Gift is Vision, and its Siddhi is LIGHT! Seeing and removing our own blind spots by showing others how to empower themselves. (I have come to see my work as a literal eye surgeon was only a metaphor for my greater calling now). Expanding the vision for ours lives is an aspect of my work in the world now. I was doing this….before even hearing about The Gene Keys for years. I just now have great clarity of purpose more consciously, and this tool to share with others, thanks to Grace. Love ends suffering.
We are all interconnected – we just need to deal with our own blind spots first, so that we can then see our own role with greater clarity in this Great Game of Life. Let’s play to win. We all have a shadow of ‘Victim’ as a human being – but likewise we all have a Gift of ‘Victor’ within us also – Freedom. We can choose. Which will you choose?
Welcome to Facet Healing, the journey to your Essence Self!
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